Tsk, tsk, tsk...

Confession:
I need accountability in my life. I have the personality (at times) where, if no one is looking, I might not do things as well as I would do if I were being put under a microscope. I understand this is an integrity/ethics issue, and I'm really trying to work on it. Pray for me, that God would help me become more of a mature person who does her best all the time.

I understand that I also have to rely on myself. Ultimately, I have to be the one that decides to do this. God will give me the strength to do so.

I am feeling frustrated that I will not be able to meet my goal. I have pretty much stayed at the same weight as when I posted that entry. It's frustrating to me. Part of the reason (because I must explain my excuses, haha) is that I got a pretty significant injury in my calf that WOULD NOT go away for about 3-4 weeks. And then, when I would start exercising again, it would act up again. I finally prayed through it and continued to pray healing over it, and guess what? It got better, pretty fast too. God is so awesome :)

After that, I got a horrible chest cold which lasted over a week, so I didn't exercise due to that.

And since then (about 3 weeks ago) I've had NO excuse.

However, I haven't been completely inactive. Wesley and I have gone to the park several times and walked the dogs and enjoyed the weather. One time, Wesley and I even ran (until my leg started acting up). So I'm not a complete giver-upper.

The thing is, I really could just about do without exercise in the formal sense. I could never go into a gym again in my life, and I would be just fine. However, we are paying money per month due to a contract with our gym, so we NEED to use the gym as much as possible. If we don't, it's like we're throwing our money away. Not a good thing.

So, where I am today: I still need to lose 20 pounds. What's crazy is, I feel like if I could really and truly commit to this, I think I might just be able to pull that off before we leave in September. I really do.

***

There are two areas I have struggled in for self-discipline:
1) exercising
2) eating right

Now, I am not one to just heif it up without any concern or caution. I wouldn't consider myself a binge eater. I don't eat meals with the words "heart attack" stamped on them. But my thing is, I really hate to cook. I mean, I will just admit that I do. I know that makes me a pathetic excuse for a woman, but it's the truth. Perhaps if I didn't work a full time job, it would be different (I know there are rockstar women who work full time and cook too, but I'm just not one of them). So, we end up going out to eat and eating out does not offer healthy choices at all (unless you go to more expensive places).

***

Things that have become staples in my semi-improved, daily eating:



Apples are amazing. I will eat one for breakfast and not feel significantly hungry until around 9:30-10:00. And if I push through the initial hunger, I can make it til 12.



I used to use two packages of oatmeal (thinking I needed that much oatmeal to "get through" the day) but I recently cut back to just one package, and I am completely satisfied until around 12.



Almonds are ridiculously awesome. They are the perfect solution for ravenous hunger. They're seriously like a magic pill for me. If I am about to go cross-eyed with hunger, I eat a handful, wait about 10 minutes, and walah: satisfaction.



These are my favorite finds of my healthy eating endeavours; Jenni-O Savory Seasoned Turkey Burgers. They are SO good. I found them at Wal-Mart. Look hard for them. You won't even miss burgers (that much). Now, turkey bacon on the other hand...I'm still trying to develop a love affair with it. I like thicker bacon, and turkey bacon seems to be a little too flimsy for me.



Carrots. Mmmmm! I do it a little different: instead of getting the baby carrots, I get the full sized carrots and peel and chop them as a side for lunch. I feel like they have better flavor than the baby carrots.



Grapefruit! This was very surprising to me. I've always actually despised grapefruit, but here recently, I gave it another shot, and I loved it!



Yes, I know Peter Pan Peanut Butter had that pesky problem with recalls, and it's really not the best for me...but oh how it staves my hunger! Now, I hope someone will read this and be able to suggest a healthier alternative, so please...suggest away!

I have also started taking a Flintstone vitamin and Vitamin C every morning to help keep me healthy.

I hope to add more to my staples (that is my goal). As I add healthier alternatives, I take away one bad thing.

For example:

Mashed potatoes used to be a staple in our household. We ate it with almost any meat. But then I read how VERY bad they were for me due to my PCOS and the starches turning immediately into sugar, so I started replacing this with vegetables instead (fresh green beans, asparagus, and snap peas). Now, although I used to desperately love mashed potatoes, I don't even miss them! (french fries are another issue entirely).

I have also tried adding different meats. I have cooked lamb twice (which I'm still getting used to. It has an interesting taste. Good, but weird at the same time) and we just recently bought some bison. I want to try fish, but I am scared of this. The idea of going to the store and getting it fresh and cooking it is intimidating.


What are some things you enjoy that are healthy? I need suggestions.

Progress snippit

1/24- ran 3 minutes at 5.5 speed. Then I had this horrible ache in my left knee and calf that did not go away, even after I tried to run through it. Thinking I might have pulled/torn something. I don't know what to do about this. I'm not seasoned enough as an "athlete" (ha, ha) to know what to do. Suggestions?

Last week, I exercised every day except for Friday and Saturday.

I have lost two pounds!

I spend at least an hour exercising. It goes like this:

-treadmill, at least 30 min

-bike, at least 15 min

-elliptical, at least 15 min

-weights: legs, abs, arms

I always burn 400 calories, but I want to burn more.

I am calorie counting faithfully, and I'm really understanding just how ridiculous it is to like some of the foods that I like. I'm trying to change my perspective on what good food is. Good food will love me and my body. Good food will help me to live longer and feel better.

Bad food is selfish and momentary. Bad food does not make me feel better. Bad food makes me feel guilty for eating it.

We all have to have a little bad every once in awhile, or we wouldn't be human. But I'm understanding now how bad should not supercede good.
If it does, I will have bad health.

***

Goals for the next month:

Run 5 minutes straight by the end of this month.

Stay focused.

Burn more than 400 calories in each session.

***

I am enjoying this. I never thought that was possible. I never thought I'd look forward to the next time I would work out.

Feeling motivated!

Ok, so my goal is to get past the two month mark. If I can do that, then I feel I have actually formed a HABIT: of eating good most of the time, and working out or exercising every day. I always tend to fall off of the wagon after 1.5 months, so this will be something to work toward.

I have went to the gym 3 days in a row, and I really do feel fabulous. I am sore, of course, but I really feel a lot better about myself and feel like I have more energy. This always happens, so why don't I stick with it? Ugh. Things will be different this time.

So, I am going to set up mini rewards for myself during this weight loss process. I am definitely a person who can be competitive and work toward rewards, so this will help me do so. I haven't figured out what my mini rewards will be yet (which will be in 5 lb increments), but here's what I've thought of so far:

10 lbs- pedicure, since I get these ONLY for special occasions

20 lbs- mini trip somewhere fun (this would be good if it fell right around the time we celebrated our 2 year, because then that would work out well. Otherwise, we'll have to figure out something cheap and inexpensive that will still feel like a reward...which is easy for me, since I simply love to travel.

At least 25-30 lbs- A little black dress. And another reward yet to be determined.

Let me talk about the background behind the last goal.

I've heard for years that every woman should have a "little black dress." But I've never thought that I would look good in anything that has "little" in the title. And I don't even know if after 25-30 lbs lost if I will still feel comfortable finding a little black dress, but I sure hope I do. This reward has room for additions/changes. And by little black dress, I don't mean skanky; I mean spaghetti straps, and something above the knee, since I hardly ever wear anything above the knee.

So that is my list! Question: what do you think could be my mini goals? I am having problems thinking of any.


Also, I am going to keep a record of my endurance while jogging on the treadmill. I usually put the treadmill to 4.5 mph and jog. I will be updating this sporadically.

1/18- jogged for one minute straight

1/19- jogged for 1.5 minutes straight

... and so on. This may not sound like much (and I'm sure it's not) but let's get one thing straight: I am NOT a runner/jogger by any means. And I'm not saying from this experience that I'm going to become one. But I figured tracking my endurance is the easiest way to see how I'm progressing.

***

I finally got the book I ordered The Natural Diet Solution for PCOS and Fertility. I can't wait to dig in and see if there are any practical things that can help me in my goals. I definitely want to develop healthy eating habits now, because if I don't, I run the risk of serious diseases and immobility when I become older. And I don't want that. I want to be the fit grandma that still hikes and takes trips and plays with her grandchildren.

I think it's really begun to sink in that feeding my fleshly, selfish desires of bad food is just ridiculous. Eating all of that bad food is not worth sacrificing my health. And it's just FOOD.

I don't know why it has such control over me. I'm not someone who binges (well, maybe occasionally, but very rare), but I AM an emotional eater. I think that's partly what has caused it as well as my inactivity. Oh, and of course, there's the dreaded PCOS, which is the reason for me gaining as much as I have since going off birth control a year ago. And it's not that I'm a couch potato, but working a draining job sometimes makes you believe that you don't have time or energy to exercise. But that's just not the case. I drove 4.5 hours roundtrip today, and I still managed to put in an hour at the gym. I'm definitely not bragging; I'm more encouraging myself so that I can realize that I should ALWAYS make time to exercise.

Well, that's enough rambling for one entry.