Hate to be a pain...and thoughts on pain.

First, I am SO very grateful to have friends that are willing to support Wesley and I in our journey with Revolutionary Life. You have no idea how much this means to both of us.

Now, here comes the hard part for me. Well, for one, as a side note, let's just say that even though I preach to others to accept my gifts...I have problems accepting or even declaring what we're in need for. I guess because the difference is, usually when I give to someone, it's not because they ask for it; I just like to bless them out of the blue. However, to ASK for things...that's a bit harder for me.

But, I have to ask. So here goes...

Whoever is going to begin giving toward our RL trip now with a monthly donation, could you please let me know the amount? It can be in an email to me. I know this sounds horrible, but there really is a selfless reason. I just need to know how much is being pledged/given per month so that I can keep up with how much more we will need. That way I can begin letting people know the remaining need. This is so difficult for me. But, the reality is, if we end up going to Africa first, we're actually going to need $1,000 more per month than originally planned, because Africa has a $131 charge for visas in EVERY country. Ouch. And it's looking like we might be going to Africa first due to half of the team members feeling a spiritual pull toward Africa.

And again, I guess I have to ask. For those that feel led to give and feel at peace with giving now, please, don't hesitate. Gah, that sounds so bad. What I mean is, if you begin giving now without fail, it will help us build up a cushion for preparations for our trip. I definitely don't want you to do anything without peace from God, but I am also declaring our need so that you all will know how to pray for us, as well as provide if you feel led. Also, please know that Wesley and I aren't just sitting back and waiting for the money to pour in. I have begun trying to sell things on Craigslist, Wesley has taken a second job at Cracker Barrel, and I'm considering taking a second job at Cracker Barrel as well. But we CANNOT do this without God and YOU. YOU that feel called to give. YOU that feel called to pray for us. YOU. Beautiful, wonderful YOU.

*whew*... now that that's over with...

I have recently been trying to declare healing over my body. This has been specifically in the area of my PCOS. I thought back to stories in the Bible of healing, particularly stories like Luke 8:40-49 about the woman that believed if she only touched the garment of Jesus, that she would be healed. Jesus knelt down and said to her "Daughter, your faith has healed you." I started really evaluating how I felt about my PCOS. I thought of it as an affliction, something I would just have to deal with. I never considered the fact that God could HEAL me. Truly heal me. But recently, I've really been trying to believe in that. I can tell that God is testing my faith, and I feel spiritual warfare as well.

I went and got an ultrasound yesterday to check my ovaries, cervix, etc.

Side note- I haven't even really talked about my first appointment with the specialist in Memphis, but it went fairly well. She wants me to go back on Metformin after I get a lot of bloodwork done. But, she is going to put me on the extended release, and I'm hoping that will help with the sickness and nausea I experienced when I was on Metformin before. Anyway, from that first appointment I set up the next appointment to get an ultrasound, and then I will see the specialist again in May for follow-up. I have more been seeing the specialist for health issues, not so much for fertility anymore. I just want to figure out what I have to do to maintain my PCOS, and then I'm going to let the specialist know that I don't plan to pursue hardcore fertility procedures.

Anyway, so I went in for my ultrasound. I have personally felt like I've been believing with all of my heart, mind, soul, and spirit that I am healed. I was halfway expecting for the ultrasound to be clear, with nothing wrong. Yet when I looked at the ultrasound and saw the string of pearls (see link for picture) in both of my ovaries, I got pretty discouraged. There were even more cysts than when I had the ultrasound in July! In fact, in July, my ovaries wouldn't have classified me as PCOS, but my hormonal embalances did. But this ultrasound was a textbook picture of PCOS. I hate knowing that I have something wrong with my body, especially something like cysts in my ovaries. I left in tears, just so very discouraged.

I'm trying not to lose the faith that I WILL be healed. It's very hard though.

Well, as of yesterday, I developed this absolutely bizarre tingly/numb/radiating heat feeling in my left hand. I came back from my ultrasound and took a much needed nap. I woke up and it felt like I had slept on my hand and it had fallen asleep. I kept shaking it around, and it wouldn't go away. I got pretty freaked out. I couldn't go back to sleep because the feeling was bothering me. I eventually took two Aleve and went to bed for good. I woke up in the middle of the night due to the feeling and couldn't really get restful sleep. It has not stopped since. Today I went to the Dr. and they said I might have hurt a disc in my back and that is what is causing the tingly/numb sensation. They gave me some muscle relaxers and if it doesn't get better in a couple of days, they gave me a prescription for some steroids to help with muscle inflammation. I'm supposed to go back if it doesn't get better in 48 hours.

I guess my point in all of this is...how RANDOM is this? Right after I started declaring healing over my body, something else happens to my body. It sounds like spiritual warfare to me. And that just makes me mad. Grrrr. It's so annoying, because it doesn't even hurt; it's just irksome. I mean, think about having your dominant hand feeling like it's asleep 24/7. Ugh. Not fun at all. Definitely keeps me up at night. I have had problems getting restful sleep since I started working at DCS anyway, but this is cutting into what little sleep I was able to attain before.

=(

Enough of my complaining. Please pray for my demented left hand. And I will continue to declare healing.

****

I just watched "Seven Years in Tibet" for the first time tonight. Wow. If you have not watched it, you need to go and rent it. I am just so fascinated with how little I know about this great big world. Maybe I didn't pay enough attention in history class. But now I love to devour the history of different countries; to pick apart their past, and try to figure out why the countries are the way they are today. It gave me a drawing toward Tibet. I already think Tibetian people are some of the pretties people I've ever seen. This picture is one of my favorites from the pics that Darlene took on their first journey with Revolutionary Life. And it fascinates me how open and friendly the Tibetian people are. Dusty and Darlene came upon a Tibetian tent, and they invited Darlene and Dusty inside, gave them food and shelter from the cold weather... Even though language was a barrier, there was still a connection that was made.

Ah... I am terrified...but I also can't wait to get out on the road.