Back to it.

I am feeling better today, just cramping some. =( Oh, the womanly curse... which is not consistent for me, except that I took medication to bring it on.

The good news is, even with being sick and not eating as healthy as I could have, I've still maintainted the 2 lb loss. In fact, when I hopped on the scale yesterday and today, it looked more like a 3 lb loss, but I'm not going to declare that until I've had at least four days of that number. My weight fluctuates sometimes, and I don't want to get my hopes up.

I didn't mean for this to become a weight loss/exercise blog, but there's not a whole lot more going on in my life at this point.

We are meeting with Pastor Ben tonight to discuss our trip. Dusty has actually already set us up with our own email accounts at revolutionarylife.org and is sending us emails as if we're already part of the team. I guess he's declaring it, which is great, because it makes me feel more confident about the decision to take the trip. But also scary, because I don't want to let anyone down if something happens and Wesley can't get the full time off from UPS. Dusty understands that we're waiting to send the letter, but I think he's also believing that God will take care of everything and already sees us as a part of the team. So exciting!

It's surreal to think that if we do end up going on the trip, it would broaden so many of the horizons I had before. I will increase the countries I've visited by 400% + since I've only been to two countries. I will see SO much in such a short amount of time. I will be able to pour out SO much in such a short time. And also, since they're already talking and planning with TBN for the show to be on TBN, I will be on t.v., watched by people all around the U.S. They will watch my trials and how we deal with everything and there will probably be some of our breakdowns/culture shock recorded for all to see. How weird is that?

Progress snippit

1/24- ran 3 minutes at 5.5 speed. Then I had this horrible ache in my left knee and calf that did not go away, even after I tried to run through it. Thinking I might have pulled/torn something. I don't know what to do about this. I'm not seasoned enough as an "athlete" (ha, ha) to know what to do. Suggestions?

Last week, I exercised every day except for Friday and Saturday.

I have lost two pounds!

I spend at least an hour exercising. It goes like this:

-treadmill, at least 30 min

-bike, at least 15 min

-elliptical, at least 15 min

-weights: legs, abs, arms

I always burn 400 calories, but I want to burn more.

I am calorie counting faithfully, and I'm really understanding just how ridiculous it is to like some of the foods that I like. I'm trying to change my perspective on what good food is. Good food will love me and my body. Good food will help me to live longer and feel better.

Bad food is selfish and momentary. Bad food does not make me feel better. Bad food makes me feel guilty for eating it.

We all have to have a little bad every once in awhile, or we wouldn't be human. But I'm understanding now how bad should not supercede good.
If it does, I will have bad health.

***

Goals for the next month:

Run 5 minutes straight by the end of this month.

Stay focused.

Burn more than 400 calories in each session.

***

I am enjoying this. I never thought that was possible. I never thought I'd look forward to the next time I would work out.

The gym.

I have been two days in a row! I am so proud of myself. It usually only lasts an hour, but that is more than I was doing before...which was, oh, nothing.

I read on Erin's blog recently that when she struggles with going to the gym, she remembers that while she's never regretted going to the gym, she has regretted not going, which I thought was a lovely little thought. It definitely helped me today.

I don't really like gyms. I have several pet peeves.

1. The girls that come in to work out that wear next to nothing. It's like, must you really flaunt everything in such an inappropriate place? Are you even here to work out, or are you here to pick up a date?

2. The intense work-outers. I know they can't help it. And I know this is a peeve personal to myself, because it's really not their fault, nor are they doing anything wrong. It's the ones that run on the treadmill for 30 minutes straight. I mean, come on. Just go home, and stop making me feel bad while I'm wheezing after one minute of light jogging.

3. Getting on a treadmill next to a ridiculously fit person. I try to scan the area and get next to the least fit person, because then it doesn't make me feel as bad. But when most of the treadmills are taken up, and I have no choice but to be next to a cross country runner or girl in tiny gym shorts, ponytail bobbing...ugh.


But I have to look on the bright side...at least I'm not going to the gym at Union. Those strategically placed windows in front of the treadmills, for all to see. Pretty sure I stopped working out in there after three tries due to those windows. It was just plain wrong.

I did the bicycle for the first time today, and it got pretty difficult. My legs were incredibly wobbly when I got done, but I managed to bike 5 miles, which is great for my first try!

I also did some weights, abs, and leg exercises.


The downside: my eating wasn't very good today.

How do YOU get through cravings for bad things? I need help.

An update on the other side of life...

...so, I couldn't resist the photo. =) It was just too funny to me. And so very true. Everytime I see a negative, it just gets all over me, and makes me want to cuss or shout or throw something!

I had to do a pregnancy test this morning so that I could say I tested before the appointment, since I haven't had a period since November.

Well, even with me knowing that I'm not pregnant, there's something about sticking that stupid stick in a cup that gets your hopes up. No matter how impossible it seems.

Anyway, la-dee-da.

So, I went in, and I told my doctor that I stopped taking my Metformin due to it making me really sick. What's weird is, she didn't seem too concerned. But she also stated that at this point in the game, it would be better for me to go to Fertility Associates of Memphis because, since we've technically been trying for a year, I am officially qualified to be infertile. (Even though we knew this way before, the textbook definition of infertile is trying for one year with no luck).

*steps back to make her infertile award speech"

Well, I never thought I'd be here today. I have so many people to thank for this accomplishment. PCOS, thank you for helping me achieve this! Without you giving me irregular periods, weight gain, and no ovulation, as well as various hormonal ups and downs, I never would have made it here! Thank you...and goodnight!

Jeesh.

I have an appointment for February 17. I don't know how much will be covered by my insurance, and that scares me.

Which brings me to another topic.
I didn't think about it, but it's very important for Wesley and I to make sure we have insurance. We will need it for when we DO become pregnant. Wesley's insurance is amazing when it comes to having children. That's why we probably won't be going on the trip unless Wesley is approved to stay on as an employee at UPS while we are gone. I hate having to worry about all of these grown-up things. I miss being able to just decide to do something, and then DO it.

And the rabbit trail of topics wanders on...

//I Can't WEIGHT anymore...

[Yes, I am that cheesy]

Basically, after reading up on the Fertility Associates of Memphis' imformative pamphlet on PCOS and how they treat it, they are going to ask something of me. It's called losing weight. You know. I started out trying to do that back in July. And I managed to lose 12 pounds, which I've maintained. But...I still have quite a bit to go before they believe I might begin ovulating on my own again and therefore conceive.

That's the darndest thing with PCOS: it makes it harder to lose weight, but in order for the PCOS symptoms to subside, a significant amount of weight needs to be lost. Oh, and also, PCOS causes you to GAIN weight. It's just cruel and ironic. And so very wrong.


So, I am on a quest to lose 25 pounds in 4 months.

This equals 5 pounds a month.
I think this is fairly realistic.
I am going to start being really disciplined. I have to, for the sake of my health and for the sake of fertility, whenever that may come.

I just ordered a book on PCOS that helps figure up what a PCOS diet should look like. Since women with PCOS are 4 times more likely to suffer from heart disease, diabetes, and other illnesses, it's important that I start getting into healthy habits now.

What is wonderful is that my amazing husband has agreed to do this with me. He is going to lose about 20 pounds. (he may not get there, but the important thing is he is going to try! I'm just saying this because although a weight chart for men says he needs to lose 20 pounds, I don't really think he does).


It is hard to put this all out there, because then if I fail, it will simply be "oh, Ashley jumped on another one of those short-lived bandwagons again." I don't want that. This is too important to me. That is why I am putting this out there for you all to see. To help me. To motivate me. To encourage me. PLEASE, PLEASE do so. I need it so very much. I have never been successful with regular diet and exercise. I have been stubborn and upset at others who don't have to do anything and maintain their weight.

But I have to realize and accept that I'm not like them, and there's no use sulking and stuffing my face when I could be active and eating the right things.

So how am I going to lose this weight?

1) I am going to try to exercise in some way every day. I may not always make it to the gym, but if I'm not at the gym, I will be doing something active elsewhere. The point is to never go a day without exercising.

2) I am going to utilize the meal plans in that PCOS book. I'm just hoping they're not too complex or unrealistic.

3) I am going to consume little to no soda or fried foods. Gosh, this just keeps getting harder, doesn't it?

4) I am going to replace the sodas with water.


That is all that I have so far for my action steps (sounding like a real social worker now, haha), but if there are any more I will certainly let ya'll know.

Keep me accountable. Please. I'm begging you.

My life really does depend on it.