Confirmations. (?)

So, several things concerning this very big decision have been moving in my heart.

I have been worrying about not getting an audible "Yes, this is what I want you to do" from God. I know it sounds silly, but I guess I expected to receive something like that considering this will be a life-changing experience. And completely against the grain of what we were originally thinking. I mean, this is the complete opposite of our plans before. It's basically two extremes: settle down with a baby, or live without a home for a year.

Anyway, what I have been receiving is little things that I like to call confirmations. I texted my friends Dusty and Darlene basically explaining that God hadn't "spoken" to me and that we were both sort of confused at the moment. What they both said to us is that sometimes, when God isn't speaking, He is waiting for you to tell Him what you would like to do. Since I am not set in my theology of free will vs. predestination, and don't currently want to be since I don't think everything is so black and white, I can totally see that. And it worked in my instance. When they told me that, I thought, ok, so God is waiting for me to decide. I talked and prayed about it with Wesley, and we decided we would go with this, and if God closed doors, then He would close doors. Ever since I prayed to God and told Him "ok, we want to go on this trip" it's like His presence has been overflowing in my life. Now, I'm sure that has somewhat to do with the fact that I am reading more of my Bible than I have in a long time, but I also believe part of that is in agreement with what Dusty and Darlene were saying.

The second confirmation, which I wouldn't put as a formal title of "confirmation", but definitely is the style that I love to be spoken to in... I was driving to a visit on a workday and just praying and thinking about how completely crazy it is to think about all the money that would need to come in to provide for our trip. I had my ipod on shuffle. I was thinking to myself "God, this is going to have to be a complete miracle." Just then, the song "Are You Ready for a Miracle?" began playing on my ipod. God is funny, and He has a great sense of humor. I felt peace and love and just a rush of possibility and excitement, as I knew that the song was meant to answer my thoughts and prayers I had in my head.

Tonight, we had a night of Christmas praise and worship at my church. Pastor Ben preached an amazing section on Mary's point of view when she realized she was carrying a child. He described how she was engaged and ready to be married, making preparations in her own life toward her own plans. Then God made her the birth mother of Jesus Christ. He described how this truly did mean "a baby changes everything" and that Jesus turned Mary's world upside down. He talked about how she probably had different wills for her life, but instead, His will was so much better than her own. I think it's funny how our story is the opposite. We were desiring a baby with everything in us. We struggled with infertility, 10 months of it, and then God begins to confirm a different path. A path that will change EVERYTHING. This path, if we are to walk it, is like Mary birthing Jesus. Both are the will of God, and both change everything.

The one thing we have been struggling with in our decision (besides finding a place for our puppies) is that Wesley is pretty much set in his job. He will be there going on 6 years next fall, and his pay is very good right now for only being a part time worker. If we leave for a year and UPS doesn't have a leave of absence, then he will lose his seniority and his pay. Even if he was able to get hired on to UPS once we get back, he would lose his pay and have to work back up to his seniority (which I think is retarded, by the way). But, then one of the songs reflect on how Jesus was born in a manger, in a place meant only for animals. I started really thinking about what that means.

We throw around that phrase, but do we really think about it? I mean, Jesus could have been born anywhere. God sure had enough power to make whoever it was bow before Mary and provide a place to birth Jesus. However, I believe God was making several points when He chose a manger for Jesus. 1) He was emphasizing of course that Jesus came in the most humble and vulnerable form, a baby. Jesus' life was humble, if you think about it. Even though He was the son of God, He still went through teachings just like everyone else. He still had to be fed by his mother, and He still had to rely on his mother and father's protection.

But the more important thing that hit me is that God may have had Jesus birthed in a manger to prove the point that we should not store up our treasures on earth. Then I started thinking about how Jesus lived while He was on this earth. He had one shot at it, and He chose to not spend it comfortable, but constantly moving, constantly traveling, constantly sharing the good news with others. Jesus really never had a home. So what makes us think as Christians that our primary goal in life is to settle down and start a family and live comfortably?

Don't get me wrong; I do not believe it's a sin to settle down and start a family. If I had been able to at this point and time, I would have. But we also have to be careful that we are never comfortable on this earth. That comfort can lead to the death of your spirit. It can lead to you not hearing the Lord clearly. I know that is what has been manifested in my life. When I started considering a possibility that didn't make me feel comfortable, that is when God really began speaking to me.


So, that is what is going on in our life right now. We are still worried and checking into the leave of absence thing at UPS, but we are seriously leaning toward going on this trip! Please be in prayer that if we have somehow gotten His will wrong, that He will redirect us. And pray that if this is His will for us, that He will continue to reveal Himself and continue to give peace and confirmation to us.